Check out my other posts on previous Barren on Mothers Days and how I am working through this!: Mothers Day
I’ve been thinking about this alot the past weeks and months. Partly about being barren and partly about being content.
I did this Bible study on contentment a few years ago, and at the time it had such a different meaning for me. God was working on my contentment in other areas of my life. Right now? I think God is teaching me to be content in EVERY situation, even being barren.
What does that mean, that it’s wrong to want kids? NO WAY! What it means is a heart-search of how much I trust God to provide everything I need, like He says He will. And this includes whether or not He gives me kids. His questions to me are: Am I trusting Him with this heart-wrenching hole in my life? Is HE more important to me than this want that I have? Am I content?
Seriously? sometimes yes, sometimes no.
I’m getting there, it’s certainly a process! And in learning contentment, this dosnt mean that I will no longer want kids, but that I trust God with this want and His future for me. Learning to be thankful in every situation.
Something that TOTALLY helps?
I look around, and everyone that I know well, has a heart-wrenching story. Something that tears at their heart and makes them hurt. My hurt is no different, just because it’s a God-given desire.
Here’s some that have been on my mind lately that would make Mothers Day awful for not just the barren:
A Mother, losing a child.
A Mother, missing a child who doesn’t care enough to keep in touch.
A Mother, wishing her child believed in the Lord Jesus Christ as their Savior.
A Mother, wishing she had more children than she has/ wishing for a girl or boy.
A Mother, watching a child walk a dangerous/ unhealthy path.
These things makes me less focused on my hurt alone, and see the hurt around me. I have friends in all these circumstances and I’ve seen the tears shed over them, and the heart-wrenching pain they live through. Same as my heart-wrenching pain of not having any children. PAINFUL STUFF.
The important thing is this: What do we do with this pain? Ignore it? Internalize it? Lash out in anger? Ignore the world?
I want my pain to be used for something good. Maybe I can be a listening ear to someone hurting. Maybe God can use me to love and be compassionate to a Mother who is going through one of these horrible situations. Maybe God can change my self-focused thinking and my hurt into something for HIS glory and honor!
Now, at the same time, I don’t put myself in situations to make me so full of heartache that I can’t keep from internalizing the pain. Like church on Mothers Day. Yep, we don’t go anymore. The first hour would usually be ok, then as the service progresses and honor is given to moms, and I try to just think of my mom, it just gets harder and harder. Be the end of the service, when all the moms are given flowers and I stand there wondering if I’m allowed one, someone will come up and say something kind like “It’s ok, even people without kids can have one, go ahead honey.” UGHHHHH! That’s when I crack. And cry all the way home.
SO this year? My sweet hubby decides to give me something to look forward to for Mothers Day!! HOW COOL IS THAT?!
He’s planned a whole picnic thing! And not the type where he’s like, “lets do a picnic, what are you going to bring?” Nope, he’s got the whole thing planned! I just get to be excited and enjoy the day! YAY ME!! God has blessed me with MUCH to be thankful for!
What are some blessings you can revive your heart with today?
Check out my other posts on previous Mothers Days and how I am working through this!: Mothers Day