When we married 4 years ago, we were NOT best friends, in fact we fought pretty hard! It was incredibly rough, I would NEVER want to go back and go through all that again. To my shame, the things I fought about were so selfish and prideful, God obviously knew I needed this to get me off my high horse. My Tim is a sweat heart- I have never met a man more giving and gracious. But, he does NOT know what I’m thinking, and he does NOT know how to make me happy without me telling him. But he DOES want to make me happy, and that is something that took me quite some time to figure out, since he wasn’t able to read my mind like all the romance stories out there say. In my defense here, I did not knowingly, on purpose, believe those stories, they just kinda seeped into my heart and made it incredibly difficult to know what was TRUE and what was just a story.
God knew I needed a dear friend who would be able to listen to my cries and not judge me for being so selfish and proud. And I am so thankful to my friend! She opened my eyes to some truth about me and God and His Word and the worldly thinking that was SO WRONG.The world teaches that you must stick up for YOUR RIGHTS. That you must demand to be heard. That you must look out for your own needs. That your husband must lead the way YOU think he should lead. That your husband must be a Christian in such a way that LOOKS very mature to YOU. That it is your God-Given right to push and inspire and challenge him to be what you think he should be, especially as a Christian leader.
Do you know what the Bible says is beautiful? God says QUIET and GENTLE is beautiful in God’s eyes. God says to lay down your life for the other person. God says to respect and build up your husband. God says to RESPECT him. I know respect is something that is defined by different people in different ways. Let me tell you what it means to me! To me, respect for my husband is to LISTEN, ASK questions, BUILD UP, ENCOURAGE, APPRECIATE his perspective to the point that when it comes down to a choice of his idea or mine, it should always be HIS idea. To lay down MY desires, dreams and aspirations was the single most horribly painful thing I have ever done. But let me tell you something. God’s Word is true. HE says to take up your cross and follow Him. This is not meant to be a styro foam cross, so light that you can toss it around. BUT! God also says HIS yoke is easy and HIS burden is light. Here’s the secret. When I lay down my life, take up my cross, HE gives me peace and freedom and a lightness that can only be from Him. But, you have to actually DO what He says to truly appreciate His Yoke and His burden, which is easy and light! oops, so I didn’t
mean to preach! lol 😀 this stuff is just so HUUUUUGE to me that I had to share it!
The worldly perspective of marriage that I mentioned above is what nearly destroyed our marriage. One night I woke up around 3am to see my husband standing there staring out the window into the dark night, and I asked him what was wrong and I will NEVER forget what he said. He said to me, “I just don’t know how to make you happy.” His shoulders were slumped, his eyes were down-cast and it broke my heart. THIS man, was trying so so hard to make me happy and he couldn’t! And why couldn’t he? Because I had UNREALISTIC expectations and demands that he just simply couldn’t meet. His look and what he said to me that night has burned itself onto my heart as a reminder of what an affect I have on my husband. I can either make him a failure in his own eyes, or make him my hero. I WANT him to know that he IS my hero!
My girlfriend who walked me through the past 4 years of marriage is an angel sent from the Lord. There was MUCH I had to change and work on for Tim and I to be happily married. And I am forever thankful to the Lord for this friend who was Jesus with flesh on. There is so much the Lord has taught me, and I will refrain from sharing it all with you in one post 🙂
Tim is NOW my best friend. He totally rescued me, my night in shining armor. And I truly believe that he knows I see him as my hero!
Tim gets me Gerber Daisies every year for our anniversary because he knows (because I told him) they are my favorite 🙂 What a sweetie, eh? These just arrived at my door 10 minutes ago 🙂 Check out my more recent post on this: Gerber Daisies and Romance 🙂 And the next one: What God says about Romance.
What does it mean to YOU to respect your husband as Scripture says a woman must do? Is your husband your hero or a failure in his own eyes?
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