I now see that they were completely WRONG.
So, here’s what I see about Romance and Valentines from the media:
A day to prove how much the guy loves the girl, by how much he can read her thoughts and know without her telling him, what she wants. It should be a surprise and it should knock her socks off. And if he dosn’t meet these expectations, he is no good and should be immediately dumped for someone who can, because he OBVIOUSLY dosn’t love her.
But seriously! I came into marriage with these expectations. But not knowingly thinking this way.
When we had pre-marriage counselling, one of the questions was: What are your expectations of each other in marriage? My answer? Ummmmmm… he should take out the garbage? LOL I Seriously thought I had no expectations, other than him just being himself, keep doing what he does.
Yaaaaa… so I had TONS of expectations about marriage that I had NO idea I had. I really did think that he didn’t love me when he brought me the same flowers for every occasion. I thought he didn’t care enough to try, to be creative, to surprise me. Oh my, how hard I was on him!
The fact he took the time out of his day to THINK of me and to plan into his schedule the ordering and picking up of flowers is SO AWESOME to me now! I seriously married the sweetest guy ever!!!
OK, so this year? My idea of romance? He took me to our favorite spot for our favorite treat, a homemade cinnamon bun. He saw that I was feeling sad, so he takes me there, sits across the table, looks me in the eye and makes conversation with me. I didn’t know this when we first married, but that is a HUGE deal to him!! Knowing that has totally helped me to see how he loves me in ways I never knew.
SO Valentines is a totally different thing to me now. It’s not about waiting for him to meet some impossible expectations. Now I want to be the one to surprise him, to show him how I love him. A card, gifts, and being a thankful and gracious wife. Those are my gifts to him. I want to be the one to WOW him! And I won’t go into all the details of that now. heh.
Valentines Day/ season, is SO much more fun now that there aren’t these huge fears of him not meeting some invisible standard. There’s no depressed feeling of not being loved like I am assuming all other women are loved by their men. My hubby loves me in so many ways that are NOT just on Valentines!
In all reality, if you are newly married, these things are going to happen. You ARE going to have unreasonable expectations of each other, and there’s nothing you can do about it! Except to laugh about it, not be so serious and always out-give the other person. Think of pleasing them instead of self. Focus on how to give rather than receive! It’s seriously more fun!
Have a Happy Valentines Day!
And check out: Making marriage work with Fibromyalgia